It’s the question that is on everyone’s mind- what do moms do for fun? A totally real and not made up at all poll sought the answer to this single question. The poll findings show the majority of moms drink cold coffee for fun. The findings shocked the world. You know who it didn’t shock? Moms.
Further findings, revealed participating in the “Stop, I can hardly take anymore fun” activity of drinking cold coffee is not actually by choice.
It’s the product of motherhood’s most complex algebraic expression:
Evaluate the following expression when x= preschooler and y= toddler.
1x + 2y = z
z = 3 times reheated, cold coffee
One mother shared how she solved motherhood’s algebraic expression.
“I gave birth to three children in three years, so I discovered the answer pretty quickly. Morning coffee was accompanied with phrases like ‘Don’t lick the toilet plunger,’ and ‘Don’t poop on the sidewalk’… on repeat… like the Moana soundtrack… in every minivan across America. I accepted that I will not drink another hot cup of coffee for at least 7 years. So, why not just have fun with it?”
Addressing motherhood’s math problems with a raise of the glass and a wink of the eye provides important benefits for mothers. For instance, this good-natured attitude helps moms maintain sanity and avoid illnesses such as Clench Mom-Jaw Syndrome, I’m So Tired I Can’t Even Sleep Syndrome or Why Did I Walk Into This Room Syndrome.
Another mom shared her personal cold coffee fun, “It was the first day of summer vacation and my kids were running circles at 6:00am. My daughter put the measuring cup I was using to make pancakes in the dog’s water bowl. Meanwhile, my baby gave herself a facial- with her own poop.”
The mom pauses to pry her baby’s fingers out of her nostrils.
“Right after I cleaned up poop, my son hysterically sobbed because the butterfly he was watching through the window flew away. It took me seventeen minutes to help him cope with that situation. It took me another three minutes to stash cash in the gun safe for his future therapy bill to overcome the psychological stress condition he just suffered. I was left with an empty wallet, burnt pancakes and a full, cold cup of coffee. I glanced at the clock. It was only 6:27am.”
She shifts the baby to her other hip. “Mommin’ with cold coffee… It’s a good time,” she laughs through her tears.
The world can say goodbye to Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World. It turns out ‘Mom’ is the Most Interesting Woman in the World, rocking yoga pants and the phrase, “I don’t always have fun. But when I do, I’m drinking cold coffee.”
Drinking cold coffee is a tough game, but somebody has to play it. It can last 5 minutes or 5 hours depending on the strategic choices of the players. This poll gives voice that despite the challenges, it is fun!
Further research shows drinking cold coffee is part of a greater phenomenon known as, Cold Coffee MOMents. Cold Coffee MOMents are the rights of motherhood. The moments of mayhem, messes and meltdowns. The moments of pure joy and wholeness.
Dubbed, ‘MOMents,’ these moments signify the turbulent transition from a maiden to a mother. Like every passage of time that has phases, so does MOMents.
The 4 Phases of MOMents:
- New Mom- A time of innocence, moms experience a love they never knew existed. The new mom pours a cup of coffee and takes her first sip. The baby cries to be fed. New mom puts her coffee down and lovingly feeds and changes her baby. Twenty minutes later, she sits back down and takes her second sip of coffee- only to hear a loud, liquid squirt escape from the baby’s bottom. She puts her coffee down, again. She just experienced her first MOMent. Though, she doesn’t mind because she is intoxicated by the aromatic smell of coffee beans and baby powder.
- Insomnious Mom- A time when moms add an extra three minutes too their physical and mental processing speed, due to the inability to obtain sufficient sleep. This mom’s sleep is interrupted by little feet climbing into her bed… and wet sheets. She pours a cup of coffee and takes her first sip. A toddler shouts, “uh-oh, mess!” She puts her coffee down and takes an agitated breath- intoxicated by the aromatic smell of coffee beans and urine.
- Power Struggle Mom – A time (about thirteen years) when moms develop a profound understanding that this process does not get any easier. This mom is overwhelmed and angry over her child’s frequent temper tantrums and, later years, defying curfew. She pours a cup of coffee and takes her first sip while defusing a child refusing to do chores. Countless redirections of powers struggles later, she is intoxicated by wine.
- Wise Mom- A time of wisdom, this mom shares insight into motherhood. She sips coffee, reflectling how time slipped through her fingers. She teaches young moms MOMents are not problems but cherished memories. She is intoxicated by the aromatic smell of coffee beans and flowers. Because she actually has time to stop and smell the roses.
The poll results highlight that fun does not end when the arduous duties of motherhood begins. The key to fun is approaching MOMents with a playful attitude while choking down hours-old cold coffee (or wine which tallied in at a close second).
With this playful attitude, you will have fun in the mess of the MOMent. In conclusion, we can be sure, wherever there is fun, there is a mom enjoying life’s precious moments with her children. After all, you can’t spell moments without mom.
Want to participate in the poll? Share this post with friends and comment what you do for fun. Let the good times roll!
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